Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How does one acquire holy water?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
