i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
