Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
