had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh god it's open bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
