I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
