did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
