i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
