Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
