He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
