I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
