even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
