I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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