Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just pee around me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
