We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
