Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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