remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
