The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
