I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
