She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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