Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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