my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My hand turned me down
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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