There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
