in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
