Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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