I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
