My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
