its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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