So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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