i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
