no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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