As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
