Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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