I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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