yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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