The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
