11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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