he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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