i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
