I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
