I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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