In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
