I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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