There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
