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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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