I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
