I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
