thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
