He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you win again, gameday.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
