Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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