Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
