Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
