so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
