she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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