I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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