So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
