how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
