dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
