i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
