I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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