Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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