Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
