is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
