Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
