you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
