How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
