I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
