who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
