I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
