Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
