I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
