I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
