My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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