Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
